Inbreeding has it's benefits - You Get A Genius Now And Again

This intro written by Muddy Coffee in tribute to the Anarchic Lifestyle Of the North's Backmost Punk Poet

After being sacked from the Ambulance service for sleeping overnight in a reserve ambulance, Captain Winscale spent two years working in a beermat printing company in Mould, before almost spending a short sentence in prison for running a fraud scam which was designed to fleece Americans, which it turns out from which he was completely innocent.  And as a result is legally banned from setting a winkle picker in the united states for 200 years, and has a debt to the state of kentucky in excess of $25000. This anti-american condition suits him down to the ground, as he has little regard for the fellows, finds them weak in the mind, unable to take their drink, overemotional and, like his hero Vivian Stanshall, would rather avoid, them altogether.   He has worked for many years in second user tobacco (tab ends), and after being keen to continue in his acting career, has developed several bad habits, often commonplace among actors, including resting between jobs, talking about his war wounds, riding a bicycle on the pavement, Not going to work because he has to read through a script A.K.A. - spending the whole day in the pub, regailing anyone who listens, with stories about how it was much better in the old days with dear jonny and dear dear Cowers, purchasing the occasional "Stage" publication, smoking lots of roll ups and lighting his own farts. After a further 16 years of rampaging and calamatous alcoholism he eventualy had to have his left leg, testicles and 1 ear (see photo) amputated a week before his fortieth birthday (1999). To the contrast of popular opinion, he has never been a pimp. This misunderstanding doesn't come from an occasional hat wearing fetish and preference for cadillacs and ganja and bras. It actually occured when he first was heard to describe himself as a punk. As a late adolescent he had a very posh accent and the word punk sounded like pink or pimp.

His most recent media intrusion was his feature in Amazing Magazine which showed graphic shots of his groin stitches and forehead tattoo of a sink plug. He also has a large tattoo on his back of "General Lee" the car from "The Dukes Of Hazard", and a rose on his thumb which was copied from Dee Shnider's Arse fold with a pen, before being made permanent in Camden Town, London in 1986 after a legendarily bizzarre afternoon when he was forcibly ejected from putney bridge tube station where he had thrown his shirt at an on coming train and was attempting to busk for money, while lying on his back across the walkway. Needless to say he was very, very drunk. And his poor ukelele he was devoid of all but two of her strings, from an earlier altercation with a wino who had snatched the instrument from him, and attempted to smash it over his head. Frobisher on 4th December 2005 - "Mr Windscale's writings about his time in Africa, his years in the Guards and his struggle with his poetry have completely failed to attract my attention". One of his more notable achivements was appearing in the seminal film Tramspotting where he was one of a line of new romantics, and had his teeth knocked out by Robbie Coltraine's character Dumbfud in the lift of the Trafford Centre, Mancshire. After leaving the shoot with a busty transexual bus driver, he was convinced that Robbie was a cockney, and couldn't be persuaded otherwise, but it turns out he was only training his accent for his next role, "Mr Jolly Lives Next Door", which turned out to be one of the greatest films of the twentieth century. It will be a fine day when it eventually comes out on DVD*. Despite being born within 10 miles of the sound of the Bough bell, and therefore a southerner, Whippers has lived the whole of his adult life in Sheffield, Derbyshire, this has led him to be an outsider in both his adopted city, and his homeland Wales. But just like the late great late 20th century American poets and songwriters maybe this gives him the gift of this his twisted view of reality, disparate from his near surroundings which continue to infect his being with filthy stories and perverted notions. Who knows what the next decade will bring to his astounding tale, we wait constipated, with bated brush. M.Coffee dubai 1998 Winscale is currently starring as the frontman of the "Chicken Factory" a Christian Jazz / Scat collective, currently making a name for itself touring the Gay bars and clubs of the north of England. * The sun is shining tonight and life is glorious and Mr Jolly is now in my possession on DVD and my local SPAR sells alcohol 24 hours a day.