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Back To The Wookie ( Main Home Page ) Other Sections For Your Amusement Pub Guide Old Cinemas Winscale Driving Tricks Vege Antichrist Celebs Bishtastic Hendos Pyram -idiots Speeding Mobile Cancer False Teeth 18th November 2004

    Dear Old Prince Philip, the Queen's husband, years old next June, and now completely bald, is a frequent source of embarrassment to the royal household, with his regular comments about foreigners. But he is a constant delight to the rest of us when he barks his politically incorrect comments in front of all the world's press.
    Many's the time when during a foreign tour, things have had to be smoothed over by the Philip comment correctional department at the foreign office. But while he still believes that his ill-placed comments are just jovial asides, we will still print them here. The footmen are probably too scared to say anything to him ... after all, he is very old.
    As he is frequently bamboozled by the way his light hearted comments are taken with such offence, the media often suggest that he should be kept at home, but like us, they long for the next comment..

After accepting a gift from a Kenyan native he replied, "You are a woman aren't you?"

After the Dunblane massacre : "If a cricketer decided to go into a school and batter people to death with his bat, are we going to ban cricket bats?"

Told a student from Brunei how sorry he was that the student had to fly to Glasgow.

During a WWF (world wildlife fund, not world wrestling federation) visit he refused to touch a Koala bear as "It will be riddled with ghastly diseases"

On visiting Brunei, our Phil, who was tired and disoriented after a 14 hour flight, pointed his index finger, while talking to the Sultan of Brunei's First Wife. This is an insult of the highest order. A palace spokesman later tried to smooth the incident over with an unlikely story that the prince was pointing at something in the sky, and not at a person.

"If it has four legs and is not a chair, has wings and is not an aeroplane, or swims and is not a submarine the Cantonese will eat it"

Welcomed Fat former German chancellor Helmut Kohl as 'Reichskanzler' The title Hitler gave to himself and has never been used since.

Suggested locals were cannibals on a visit to Papua New Guinea by saying to a British student "You managed not to get eaten then?"

Said to a wealthy Cayman Islander, "Aren't you all descended from pirates?"

Asked a Scottish driving instructor "How do you keep the natives off the booze, long enough for them to pass their test"

Told a group of deaf school children at a fund raising event standing next to a Jamaican steel drum band, which was clearly not to Phil The Greek's Liking :-
"Deaf? No wonder you are deaf,  standing so close to that racket"

Recently describing Brazil, he quipped that it would be paradise, if it weren't for the Brazilians.

On a visit to China he described Peking as "ghastly" and said that if you stay too long there you will become "slitty eyed"

Told a student in Budapest that "You can't have been in Budapest that long because you haven't got a pot-belly"

In India visiting a site where the British army, in the years of the Empire, had slaughtered Indian civilians, He was shown a plaque commemorating the 2000 killed to which he quipped "No, no, we didn't slaughter that many"

Told a mother who had recently lost two sons in a house fire that:-
"smoke alarms are a damn nuisance"

On touring a factory in Edinburgh, he told a group of workers that a fuse box "Doesn't look like it's been fitted by a cowboy, more like the Indians"
Though he did apologise to the Indian Community soon after (10th Aug. 1999)

After asking a portly young boy what he wanted to do when he grew up, and getting the answer An Astronaught, he quipped, " best start shedding a few pounds then! "

[New March 2002]
On a tour of Austrailia, after observing a demonstration of aborigonal spear dancing, he asked, "do you still throw those things at each other then? ", to which he got the short reply, "no we don't go in for that sort of thing anymore"

And later on the same day he was allegedly heard asking a wheelchair user if they got in the way all the time.

[New November 2004] - Cheers Nigel
After meeting some students, on a visit to Ireland and on learning that 2 of them were from the same town said something like "Goodness, 2 Irishmen in the same room and they agree on something !"

[New March 2008]
On meeting Hollywood starlet Kate Blanchett and confirming that she was in the films industry, he asked her if she could come over and fix his DVD player as some wires had come out of the back and it has stopped working.

Wanna Buy Some Pegs?

New Feature Prince Philip is Today

That's Kilometres Not Miles !