| Royland
Family Celebrate
The Torpor family from rural Royland Cove, in South Devon, are celebrating this week as the middle son of six brothers, Luther has a newly identified medical condition named after him. Mrs Nan Newman, the Aunt of Luther said yesterday, "we don't celebrate as a rule, but as we're putting the village on the map, we decided to let our hair down, as we're getting the money and all" Consultant Doctor Bains took an interest in the case, now called Lutterny. He said in an interview in last weeks medical Journal Desieses And Health, "we thought it was a mixture of Gigantism and Tourettes syndrome, but turned out to be a genetic disoder passed down from the male line". The Gazette learned from neighbours that the family are no stangers to controversy in Royland Cove, Luther's Father Ajax, is currently serving 5 years for attempted robbery and criminal damage after trying to hook up his farm house to a 132,000 volt electricity pylon. |
Councillor
finds Hole in Garden
Councillor Cyril Dickies, the county's most accident prone man, recently arrived home to find his new garage and sauna extention, all but swallowed in a hole in the ground at the back of his house. 
Unconfirmed speculation about the speed of the construction and bizarre choice of building materials has led some neighbours to talk about the Councillor pulling strings in the planning department, to avoid proper inspections during construction. No one was available to comment from the council about the matter. The West And Town District Council Enviromental Health Office (T.W.A.T.D.C.E.H.O.) have been monitoring alleged noise pollution from inside the Chicksarse Fowlgame chicken paste rendering plant, opposite Deverton Infirmiry. Nursing staff and local residents, have been complaining of a throbbing low bass rumble that often vibrates the patients out of their beds. In addition when the wind is in the right direction " It don' arf pony too " quipped Charlie Stickshift, a local rag and bone man.. Recordings of the buzz are available in this addition by pressing below. |
Resident
Finds Hole In Backside
Retired tanner Sam Cottage 92, has spent the last 45 years dedicating his garden as a shrine to Brands Hatch, a racing track in Kent near London. But on Thursday week he opened his curtains to find that the banking on the back staight had been breached by an errant milk dray. John Village, 67, the milkman in question, had had a stroke when on his round, as he was pulling away from Mr. Cottage's property, and the horse walked the dray right through the bank at ricker's mount before coming to a stop in the scrutineering paddock right at the centre of the half acre garden, before emptying his bowls over a plastic model of Murray Walker and a patch of azaleas. Grumpy Scrumpy The Headache That's always worth it Bee Almost Kills Woman
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Miss Juniper said from
her hospital bed, which had been set up for her in the Ambulance garage
of Deverton Royal Infirmary. A spokesman for the hospital said that they
were not insured to take anyone over 30 stones into the lift to the general
wards."Within a moment I had been overcome with a crushing hunger, before
getting a very sore throat and a hot sweat, then I felt terribly sick and
I wanted to lie down but I wasn't anywhere near my bed winch, so I stood
still and my hands went puffy and white..." Miss Juniper went on for some
time about her various symptoms.
An hour later, she was still talking, " so by this time I was full of pie and just had to blow off, but I had been stung by a bee before and nothing like this had ever happened before, I nearly died you know! " Doctor Origami Linament said later that she could
have died at any moment, but It was nothing that couldn't be cured by a
crash diet.
Deverton Gazette Always A Good Bet For Local News |