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Frank's Portrayal of himself in the locked bunker with the delights of the treasure casting a glow over his face. We got it written into the minutes that frank rather flatters his waistline somewhat in his art.

Franky Boy hasn't explaned what this one depicts yet, but the girl in the picture is the woman who he watches with his telescope through his bathroom vent every night on the next street. The dirty sod!

The Lost Pyramid Field
Recently, Darren Fisher ( The dazfish as we call him ) has discovered in an ancient document, that the three remaining major pyramids [ of the Giza plateau ] are the sorry remnants of a much larger pyramid field. Or alternatively were the first built part of a much more ambitious, and later shelved, project culminating in a field of three hundred or more similar sized buildings.
    The document was found in his allotment, while digging a big hole to bury a quantity of broken glass ( apparently! ). Anyway, the event has become a minor occasion in our village, and six people, OUT OF A PROMISED TWENTYFOUR attended a re-construction of the event. But this time the hole has filled with water, and old frank brought a small quantity of toilet paper, as he's a very religious man. And he correctly guessed what Daz was really up to with his spade!  ( origionally 12 months before )
Anyway the whole event became a bit of a drunken swearing ( your my best mate etc..) session, and went on until 1 am with a fart lighting fireworks extravaganza toward the close.
    I was dissappointed, gutted, and thoroughly depressed to an almost violent distraction at the poor quality of the photos of the latter part of the event. They would have made it onto Jeremy Beetle, Especially when we Old Lol set his pubes on fire and fanned the flame with a minature bottle of whisky!  I really can't Imagine where these old `un's get half their ideas from, ¿how can they be so impervious to 3rd degree geniburns? But it's the same as makin' tea at that age int it, yer know, sittin' on't bog!? . . . happen??

He has speculated that the ancients were trying to spell out a message for the aliens to read in outer space.
But Bob Illingworth is having none of it, he is still insisting on his pyramid weapon scenario, where the whole pyramid is fired into the air like a bullet. He's not the brightest spark in the fuse box! [ I didn't say that though ]

Meanwhile, here is the current top ten bits of knowledge which are almost certainly waiting for us to reveal in the hall of records, and that are designed for mankind to know their true origins, when they have reached sufficient technological and moral standards, like we have today :-
 

Knocked off the chart this month were Talking to Animals, as Perpetual Motion muscled in again To number 6.
9 and 10 swapped places, and the top five stayed as they were.
And there's no position in chart for " just a chair ", which we all thought hilarious only a month ago!
Jonathan Parsley's " time travel " entry has gone because we've kicked him out of the group again for being stingy with the round buying at the bar. We're not having any of that pretending to fall asleep Boll***s anymore.

A Complaint
An angry E-mail arrived last week, complaining that none of us have ever been to Egypt.
Well missus, I have watched at least half a dozen documentaries and red five books on the subject, and I can tell you that because of the narrow passages and crawling on hands and knees and doing, which you have to do when you go in the pyramids, and climbing up the outside to the top after bribing the guards, I would just be too damn fat. And that's why I am a far more effective campaigner from my home in Stocksbridge, South Yorkshire.

Five Continents
Some people are not aware that there are pyramids on all five current continents of the planet. And probably on the sixth " lost " continent Atlantis too! Our best pyramid in England is Silbury Hill. We went to visit it 2 years ago but when we finally got to the campsite we were ready for a drink, and one thing led to another and before we knew what had happened, the weekend was over and it was time to go home again. But we hope to finally clap eyes on the thing next summer.

The Capstone
The Great Pyramid Capstone Project, is still not underway properly yet because Mrs. Ferras' stepson is doing up another Mini Cooper in her garage again, but this time with aledgedly a 2 litre engine. We do have however, four tins of gold paint, of which I have provided one and Daz has the other three. Because they are a different shade, we are going to mix them up in an old dustbin first. Mine has probably got skin on the top by now!
We were hoping to restore the pyramid to it's complete state again for the new millennium celebrations, but everyone was a bit strapped, and the wood that we had been saving up for it had been burned on the bonfire with guy fawks, after the kids down the road pinched it from the side of my shed. And the only money in the fund is £2.90, Because I got £3.50 for some old burned out drills at a car boot, and spent 60p on the can of gold paint from another stall.

Encoded Messages ???
Whilst there is no doubt about the accuracy of the pyramid alignments to the cardinal points of the globe, the idea that the internal dimensions and angles have important values is less obvious.
  Many popular modern authors have gone to great length to present chapters of bizarrely argued theories about the hidden meanings and " sacred " mathematical encodings in the passages and chambers. The path of mankind scenario is a very entertaining read, but using marks and damage that are not contemporous with the original plans of the building, to expand the theory, stretches the elastic a little beyond breaking point for my liking!
  Some of these authors would have got great benefit from being in the attendance of a gathering in the tap hole of the red lion at Deepcar, six weeks ago when the meeting adjourned to the car park outside, where Frank, after aligning to the cardinal points using the bubble compass stuck to the dashboard, preceded with his carpet fitter's tape measure, to prove various " incredible measurements and ratios " with regard to his ford cortina.
And with agreement of all concerned, proving some or all of the following scenarios for explanation :-

a) Masonic infiltration in the dagenham design department, that can be retraced right back through to the Knights Templar, via the Freemasons.
b) The all too human habit of seeing non existent patterns in random data, and going on to propose various scientific or mathematical findings.
c) A dodgy tape measure from a dodgy shop.
d) A Cortina that has been altered by Divine or Alien Intervention, or both Divine and Alien Intervention.
e) The natural human fondness for the aesthetics of certain proportions and shapes, which were as true in 1980 as it was in 4000bc.

Coming soon, the opening of king Chucketinha-buket's tomb
 

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The Ultra - Unorthodox Egyptologist Society
We're firing the millennium phoenix cannon of the gods through the trail of pyramid conspiracy