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Greatest Englishman Ever?
9th August 2005

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Who Was The Greatest Englishman in the History of the Universe? This is an old fashoned debate, where tales get as long as the night. And resulted in many legends, and re-naming of pubs, towns, beers, cars, guitars.
Heroes have always been hard to come by, so when they do come up, often their every move is recanted as herioc.

1) W.C. Grace (1849-1915)
The "doctor", was a man mountain. A Gloucestershire and England cricketer, he was the first Cricketing superstar, and set many records in the process:-

1871 - First to make 2000 runs in a season.
1873 - First man to do the 'double' (1000 runs and 100 wickets).
1876 - Set up the highest score hitherto in first-class cricket 344 runs.

He was so good at batting, that he converted, the game of cricket into an English national institution.
By all accounts he was 20 stones in weight and seven feet tall. Sporting a large but, "jaunty" beard, often described as a Summertime Father Christmas! He was the life and soul of every party, and as finely honed, physically as Dr. Alban! but able to sing in tune.
He also performed superhuman feats, When playing for England v Surrey at the Oval, at the begginning of his international career, where he scored 224 runs not out, he was given permission to leave the field to compete in an athletics event, at Crystal Palace, he competed in the quarter mile hurdle, and after winning was said to have left the rest of the field half a lap behind.

Later on, in the midst of his heroic career, he was purported too have Delivered a baby while the train was hanging procariously over a dangerous cliff.

In 1909, he was held as a national hero, for displaying, with great tact and reverence, his god given skill of farting in harmonies. He was able to demonstrate a number of musical intervals with the aid of only his back passage. With only the addition of a pint of rough ale and a block of wood, he was able to set the world to rights.
Many an evening was elongated with a few Forceto and strainendo tunes, of the mocha variety. Renowned for playing Gilbert and Sullivan operetas, he could also turn his starfish to animal impressions, notably :- Sea Lion, Cat in the parlour, Elephantine attack call and squeeling piglets.

Being a family man, one of six brothers, he produced eight sons and two daughters from no less than four women. There are sketchy records of any marrige vows, but he was a devoted father, providing every one of his twelve offspring with a cricket bat and leather ball on his/her tenth birthday, which was well over the odds, for a father in the Edwardian era.

2) Noël Coward (1899-1973)
Despite being as bent as a badger, Noël was an English Institutution in his own right. He was able to take over any interview as his star quality shone brighter than anyone else on the stage. His sharp humour was certain to have every listener hanging on his every word. His wit required a sharp mind to keep up, and often shot straight over the average head.

What are the Beatles? I have never been able to understand what one beat singer is saying. Perhaps I shall fare better with four?

Many famous Coward quotations are regularly re-cycled, but rarely does anyone pull them out like the sharp tools they origionally were. To insult the man was a near impossibility, as the reply would always have twice as cutting. And he would always have a reservior of killer material up his sleeve, incase he ever met an equal. But he never did.

When I was two and a half I was taken to church, the moment the organ started, I was in the aisle dancing, and was taken home and put to bed. It was hardly an encouraging beginning, but it showed the way the wind was blowing . . .

Though he sounded to all ears, as a public school educated socialite, he was actually from a poor family, and his accent and even his Lisp, were developed by himself, from an early age, for his own ends.

Television is for appearing on, not for looking at.

Noël was writing plays for most of his life, and was one actor who converted his acting from stage to screen with seemless ability.
He appeared in countless movies, and made cameo apperences in many more.
He wrote many humerous lounge songs, including, " Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs. Worthington ", and the unparallelled, " Don't lets be beastly to the Germans" and also the timeless classic "Mad About The Boy"
He was a self made celebrity, interviewed by all the great interviewers of the 1950s-1970s
He was a socialite, a member of the Swinging Celebrity scene for several decades.

3) Gaz Coombs (1976-present)

Picture Of Gaz on Left and Danny on right on old sofa at Sheffield Octagon 2004, during acoustic section of gig. Sorry for blurry pic, just a mobile phone pic, they won't let you take proper cameras into gigs

The lead singer in the Rock Combo Supergrass [Now Over A Decade Old] Always looks extremely cool, and always sporting a raucous pair of Bugger's Grips. Gaz has written a catalogue of very cool songs. And is a leading exponent of modern music which makes you feel good.

Caught By The Fuzz

The likely successor, to the crown of Noddy Holder himself, who has recently retired from Legendary band Slade, to be a celebrity with war cry and funny self-mocking-black-country accent.

4) Vivian Stanshall (1943-1995)
Possibly one of the most ridiculous and eccentric men ever to live. Hated americans, especially for their lack of good manners and always turned out properly dressed in a victorian suit and spats.
Reported to have attended school with a mouse in one pocket and a harmonica in the other, later wrote such classics as

My Pink Half Of The Drainpipe
Men Opening Umbrellas Ahead
Sir Henry at Rawlinson end
Cool Brittania ( Later Plagarised By Tony Blair Uk President )

     Poet, Musician, Comedian, Radio Presenter, Singer, Author, Actor, Playwright and Drinker, Viv was a tortured genius whose lifestyle led to a stifling of his incredible imagination, and later to his early death.
    Viv was the founder and main voice behind the Bonzo dog band, and turned up to the first rehearsal immaculately attired in a sharp suit, and with the addition of a euphonium under one arm and huge plastic ears.
    Despite being very difficult to work with, because of his side splitting humour, and his unreliability, he was held in great regard by many famous and great musicians of the age and worked with, Paul McCartney, Eric Clapton, Steve Winwood, Mike Oldfield and many others.

Vivian was the posessor of a rich and sonourous speaking voice, and had the accent of a well spoken english gentleman, and he was regularly heard on his spot on radio1 where he kept listeners wrapped with a ridiculous serial which he wrote and presented. He also was a voiceover on advertisments.

Described by the great Stephen Fry as thus :-
The late, majestic and remarkable Vivian Stanshall, one of the most talented profligate, bizarre, absurd, infuriating, unfathomable, and magnificent Englishmen ever to draw breath.

Described by John Peel :-
Even the most suscessful and big headed among us are aware when we are in the presence of a greater being, and Viv was that greater being.

New :- Vivian Stanshall website GINGER GEEZER

VIsit to see photos read info and buy Viv related recordings books and video.

Stinkfoot Cometh
press above to visit

Now comes the audiance partition section.

If you would like to vote for

W.C.Grace :- press here

Noël Coward :- press here

Gaz Coombs :- press here

Vivian Stanshall :- press here

Go On vote, vote twice if you want (you cheeky scamp) !!!

The Current Winner is as follows

Vivian Stanshall by (Half a country mile) 97.2%
3-sept-2004 Report :- minor surge by Dr. Grace in recent weeks

Thankyou for your Participation
especially Ashley Saunby, Sandy Hawkins, Journey, Catherine Hunt, David Evans, SR Hurst, Guy De Ferrier, Stuart Robertshaw, Lee Kerr, Gary Booker, Matt T. Ratt, Bill Littman, Chrissy Rikkers , Emma Russel, Zacweeks, Hazelden Kirkham, Derbyram, D Williams, Margaret Hughes, Richard Whitham, Nicholas Kennedy, Ben Daglish, John Rogler, Geoff Wiles, Paul Bradshaw, B.Caruso,Robert Freeman, Diboll, Brian, Phil Vaughan, John Whitwell, Brad Jackson Lisa Donogue, Francis Sheakey, Alan Woolcock, M, Paul and Nick Prewett

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Greatest Englishman Ever?