Wizard Spells From Hogwarts

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Wizard Spells
Medford Coffee esq.
16th February 2001

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INTRO (Steve)
    Not since the days of Merlin, and the troll wars of middle earth, when Gandalf rode Shadowfax from the Kingdom of Krull, to the vast city of Ankh-Morpork, has there been so much magical activity. Some days it seems the atmosphere is so alive with magical energy, that even your bare feet make sparks in the long grass, and there's an apparition every time you turn off the light.
    I've known Medford for several years. I first met him escorting a large tabby cat called Bobbin, who had the tip of her tail missing. They both sat on a bench, in the Local Park and shared some sardine sandwiches. Later he was in my local Pub, where he told me about the nefarious activities which the cat had witnessed over the last week's nocturnal perusing. I took all this information with a pinch of salt, until one night when a garden seat was stolen from my patio at night, and the local cat population led me to the whereabouts of the said plastic device.
    He tends to turn up from time to time, asking for very trivial help, (a pail of water, the skin from a rice pudding, the point from a drawing pin, etc..) I always try to help, as we always meet later for a drink, and the stories he has to tell of his exploits, would keep a child from the local comprehensive school with attention deficit disorder, rooted to the spot, unblinking for a week.!!

He's asked me to reproduce his spells for him, and so we've collaborated on this web page..Enjoy

P.S. don't try any at home unless you're a qualified Witch or Wizard.

Main Intro (Medford)
   Since suffering an unfortunate accidental blow from a giant troll, my memory needs tickling into shape from time to time, I sometimes need reminding about some of the most useful magical spells.
    I generally have a list which I read through before I go to sleep, but try as I might, I constantly loose this list, and have to go through my school books again to make another one. Anyway a muggle friend told me about an invention called the Internet, apparently muggles use it to get shopping lists and cooking recipes all over the world. So I made my list out again and my muggle friend steve, apparated it into the Internet for me, and now I can get my list back from anywhere in the muggle world.
    Steve (the muggle) tells me that I can go into a cafe and get my list back in any big city. This is ideal for me, All I have to do is write the key down onto a bit of parchment, and a muggle called a "Nerd" in an internet cafe, can get me my list back. Apparently I can get a Cappuccino Coffee at the same time, which is the nearest thing to a magical drink that the muggles do.

Useful Curses, Charms, Hexs and Jinxs

The Summoning Charm
Accio - Come to my hand
Accio [object] - Summon inaminate object

Avis - Produce small birds from wandtip
Deletrius - Delete (wand) Echo
Densaugeo - Rapid Teeth Grow
Diffindo - Split target container
Enervate - Become Undazed
Engorgio - Swell the subject's size
Expelliarmus - Disarm target
Furnunculus - Trouble the Enemy with Boils

Incendio - set on fire
Impedimenta - Impediment Jinx (stronger than stun)
Lumos - Wand light my way
Morsmordre - summon the dark mark
Orchideous - Produce a bunch of orchids
Prior Incantato - Echo the wand's previous spell
Quietus - Make my voice normal volume
Reducio - Reduce the subject's size
Relashio - Fire Hot Sparks
Reparo - Repair the breakage(glass, pottery)
Sonorous - Make My voice amplify
Stupify - Stun

**Illegal Dark Curses**
The Cruciatious Curse Crucio - Make Target Endure Pain - The Imperious Curse Imperio - Total Bodily Control over Target Subject - The Death Curse ( USA-Killing Curse ) Avada Kedavra - Death to Opponent

If only I hadn't have upset the Mighty Quinn, when I was down in Peru holding meetings with Giant Troll committees, then I'd surely be able to remember everything still, anyway after getting poked by his mighty finger, I was taken off that assignment, and now, after a period of recouperation, I'm thoroughly enjoying myself back in England, working freelance as a space spy, keeping a magical eye on what space machines, the muggles are launching into the stratosphere, and the fun bit is sabotaging the dangerous ones.
After all we don't want the Venus Krawfs getting alarmed again, their suphur stink really gets up your nose. I had to stuff strands of my beard up my nostrils to quell the smell the last time!

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