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New 25th Dec 1999 - Matt
In Peru
At last I'm pleased to announce
that I have found Cosy Matt. He has been kept captive in a concentration
camp by a sexy dominatrix called Andromeda. To some extent he is ruined,
however not all his pleasure was taken and there is a remnant of his timing
and iron will left.
I managed to revive him with the aid of chicken Cup-a-soups. And he quickly
became attentive and ready for my questions.
Question
1.
How
long have you known, and what was the occasion of your meeting Captain
Winscale?
About 4 or 5 years, but he exact date is a bit of a blur, because of my treatment over the past year. A distant mate called Lawrence asked me to play drums in a thrown together band, put together for his 30th birthday party. We were to be called Cheer The Cock 2, a rag - tag of misfits and dropouts, but we were definitely going to beat the baddies ( despite being outnumbered ), rescue the girls and return to our villages as heroes.
. . . Nice plan. . .
Lawrence was going to play the bass ( badly as it turned out ). And he said some geyser called Chris would play the guitar " 'cause he was shit hot ! ". So I turned up at Lawrence's pad, met Chris, and we hammered out some shite all night, but we didn't have a Vocalist / Frontman. All Lawrence kept saying was " don't tell Winscale, there's no *@?ing way I want Winscale here ", But he didn't have anyone else to sing.
So I think Chris told Winscale
Next rehearsal, half way through this shitty ditty, this crusty
burst in, with a shabby Mohican haircut, tight drainpipe jeans and winkle
picker shoes. He immediately ripped off his shirt, grabbed a mikestand
and started pulling Freddy Mercury type shapes in front of us.
I can't remember what happened next, because I was overcome with the stench
of stale sweat, beer and meths, but I remember thinking, " cool !!! great
frontman ! ". The last thing I was aware of, before unconsciousness siphoned
me into it's devilish blackness, was " F@&#$g hell, it's Winscale".
Slippery Nipple - a shooter, Baileys floated over Saubucca
( sounds
a bit pansy, but theres always the option of drinking a pint of it, from
a pint pot with a handle )
Question
3.
Do
you prefer Broccoli or Cauliflower ?
Parsnips
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