The Introversion Of Matt

( Mr John's Head Of Hair )

20th September 1951      Again, I am pleased to announce that I have located Cosy Matt, on a second, but much more worrying occasion.   On this page, he has been living among the Incas in Peru, in the seventh century !, and the " locals " have corrupted his name, because Cosy Matt rhymes With Hosé Mata , and expanded, by a charasmatic devient market trader,  Miguel constantine Falatio, to  " Señor Hosé Mata de Pelo " ( which is spanish for Mr John's Head Of Hair ). This is an extremely amusing phrase in Spanish, but sadly most of the humour is lost in translation.
     The sun has considerably weathered his once good looks, and he now has many freckles on his face, has shrunk 2 inches in height, and sports a large frizzy " afro " hairstyle that has bleached itself a very light shade of brown in the heat. He has been here for four and a half years, but you can still detect large swathes of his native Yorkshire accent, interspersed with his rapid spanish conversation. But, he is physically almost un-recogniseable, and looks like some kind of Big - Screen film potrayal of a Mad Mauri-bushman-hunter-vampire-whichdoctor-villan.
     He tells me in spanish, that he hasn't seen a drumkit for three years, and I politely nod, as I struggle to follow.
" Mueren ya las ilusiones del ayer, tal vez será que soy alabastrana "
Apparently he has lost his youth and thinks that he's made of marble, He shouts something and claps his hands, then turns to me and says " cucarachas enojadas "
Angry cockroaches?  I look around me on the floor, but I see none, maybe it's a turn of phrase, maybe they're climing my legs?

"Ríe La Vida ", he says sharply, as he walks back into his cabin. But I wonder at who.

     Because he refuses to speak any English, and since leaving the wrestling circuit, my Spanish has become " even " rustier, I Employ a young translator Antonio Rataio " The Rat ", but he looks mischievous and I record what is said at the time, to double check later at home. The young Antonio finds the microphone that I am holding, hilariously amusing, and as a consequence, we make even slower progress.

The young miscreant never takes either eye off the microphone during the whole proceedings.

There are many facets to the character of a dog, but they are the most famous for the position of sex, to which they have given their name...
Cats are the devil, they are arrogant, they bring dead rats and birds ' a la casa ', but they only let you feed them if you are the one who is the lucky one! - yes
I curse the cat, and I praise the dog like my brother, that animal is the one.

The young translator miscreant Antonio, takes one step forward toward the microphone, as if he senses that there is to be a change of proceedings, this takes me by surprise and I suddenly take a step back in fear, at which the young lad laughs as he recognises my embarrasment as our cultures misunderstand each other.

" You go now, ... ... ... - I sing. " Said Hose Matt in the loudest, most authoritive tone so far ventured.
And that was it, the end of the interview, just like Captain Winscale one year before, he has quite clearly gone raving mad. As I traced my steps back through the dusty but unconcerned village, I hear loud operatic singing from his cabin, vying with the barking of the village strays, and that was the last time I saw Matt for ten years.